After the credits roll

Fade In

Interior Bedroom mid-morning.

In the distance we hear the shower, and then the low drone of the Evil Alien Eye (EAE).

Mom and Fin enter from the hall. They are unaware of the danger that still lurks on the dresser.

EAE (evil-like and quiet... hoping to lull Mom back into its evil spell): Bbbbbbuuuuzzzz


Mom (confused): What? I thought I turned this thing off? Maybe your Dad turned it back on... maybe it's defective?

Mom reaches out and chokes it by the neck again. Slowly the light from its horrible orange eye fades. Mom grabs its tail which has attached itself to a hole in the wall. She tugs it hard, but the EAE isn't going down easy. Our heroine Fin sees that its tail has wrapped itself around Mom's cankle, trying to trip her up.

Fin (loudly in warning): MEW! Mom watch out! It's coming for you!

Mom (pulling its tail out of the wall): Take that!

Mom wraps its tail around its own neck. Fin races towards the box it came in, so Mom can see the evil box lurking on the floor. Mom grabs the EAE and carries it to the box. Mom wrestles the EAE, trying to force it back into its box lair.

Mom (angrily): I still have the receipt! [Mom shoves harder to little avail] You're going back to where you came from!

EAE (menicingly): SQUEAK!

EAE fights back by refusing to twist back into the box lair. Mom is ready to give up, when she sees the brave Fin holding the box lair with her paws (despite the danger). They must save the family from the EAE. With renewed determination, Mom shoves and Fin pushes and finally the EAE is forced into the box.

Mom (victorious): Yes! Thank Cod the heater is fixed. This thing was starting to creep me out. Now we can snuggle again sweetie!

Mom picks up sweet Fin and walks towards the door with the brave kitty in her arms. Mom turns quickly, and gives the box a little kick... just in case.

Fade Out

Evil Alien Eye - The Screenplay

Fade In: Interior Bedroom: Early morning light comes through the drapes as we see two humans in a tall bed. The male and female are snoring loudly. Under the sound of the snore we begin to hear the drone of the Evil Alien Eye.

Evil Alien Eye (evil-like): Buuuuuuzzzzz

The Evil Alien Eye (EAE) shifts it's eye from left to right and back again as it searches for our heroine Fin. Fin sits nervously at the mouth of the bedroom door (just out of sight of the EAE). She looks at the light coming from the window and notices it is getting brighter. She paces nervously. She scoots quietly farther into the room and checks to make sure she is still not in EAE's vision.

Fin (timidly): Meow... [there is no response from the humans and she checks to make sure the EAE is not able to see her] MEOW!

Still no response from her human parents. We see our heroine crouch low to the ground and scuttle quickly by the EAE on it's dresser perch. She is still safe from it's evil glare.

EAE (louder as it senses the presence of our heroine): BBBBUUUUUUZZZZZ!

Fin: MEOW! MEEEE-OOOOOWWWWWW! [still the humans sleep on]

Fin sees the light is even brighter and rightfully senses it won't be long before the Evil Noisy Box on the bed stand will come to life and attack her sleeping Mother. She must make her move now. She moves quickly to the foot of the bed and leaps up onto the bed. She races down the side of her Mother, using her as a shield.

Fin (yelling and pushing her sweet paw on Mom's face): MEW, MEW!!

Mom (sitting up quickly): Huh? What? Finny? [Mom scoops Finny up in her arms, and turns towards the EAE. Fin begins to flail] See sweetie you don't need to be scared, it's just a heater. See how warm it is?

Fin breaks free of the hold and races back to the safety of the hall. Mom hits the Evil Noisy Box into submission, at least that danger has been adverted. She watches in horror as Mom gets up and walks closer to the EAE.

Fin: MEEEEWW! Run Mom! Run!

Mom grabs the EAE by it's throat and chokes it until it's eye stops glowing. Mom and Fin walk into the kitchen for a celebratory meal, leaving Dad and EAE alone. The light begins to glow again...

EAE (quietly yet with menace): Buzzzz

Fade Out

The Ball Menace

Fade In

FIN is seen in profile, lying in the dimly lit living room. Her head is resting on her front paws. She stares intently, and warily, at an object just out of camera view. Camera pulls out to reveal THE BALL (a ball toy cage made of green plastic which holds a shiny, menacing bell at it's dark and evil heart). It sits directly in front of our heroine.

FIN rolls onto her back as she pretends to ignore it. After a few moments FIN twists her head to look at THE BALL as it mocks her with it's silent taunts. FIN flips suddenly to face THE BALL, and it doesn't back down. FIN reaches out gracefully with her paw and almost touches it, but suddenly she leaps up and saunters towards the mouth of the hallway.

FIN thoughtfully listens for the sounds of her sleeping parents (Cue sound effect of very loud snoring). She is pleased her family is safe. She looks at THE BALL with disinterest, but as she turns her head back to the camera we see the glint of mayhem in her eyes. FIN saunters casually past THE BALL and tucks quickly behind a cabinet.

Cut to THE BALL in the foreground and FIN in the background. FIN settles into a crouch and wiggles her hind quarters as she prepares for a vicious attack. FIN pounces in slow mo. THE BALL is helpless as it's caught in her ferocious bite (cue sound effect of the screaming tinkle of its jingle bell).

FIN stops mid-kill as she turns towards her sleeping parents (Cue sound effect of their snoring disrupted). FIN drops THE BALL and covers it with her paws to silence it's evil screaming. FIN wiggles her upper body to disorient it and whaps it hardly. THE BALL rolls swiftly towards the hall and the sleeping parents beyond.


THE BALL (loudly and menacingly): Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, tinkle


FIN races after THE BALL as it rolls towards her family. FIN throws herself on it, just as it makes a final break for the bedroom. FIN whaps THE BALL and it rolls in terror back to its living room lair. FIN curls up in the hallway corner, still vigilant and wary of another attack. Her parents snore loudly, blissfully unaware of the danger they've been rescued from.


Fade Out

The Aria - A Screenplay

In recognition of awards season please enjoy a series of our screenplays. 

Fade in

Our heroine, FIN, is seen sleeping at the foot of the big bed. She is sandwiched between two large shapes wrapped in blankets. FIN stretches sweetly as she wakes up from her nap. FIN moves to MOM's head and gently taps Mom on the face with her paw.

FIN (sweetly): May I have your tickets please?

Mom (groggy and grumpy): What?!? You can forget it. I am not getting up to feed you - and don't even start with that mewing business!!

FIN (under breath, but amiably): Okay for you the performance will be free tonight.

FIN leaps down from the bed in slow mo, and moves to the doorway to the hallway. FIN is illuminated by the nightlights. The screen morphs with wavy lines to indicate a dream sequence is beginning. The scene is transformed as the lovely FIN is shown on a stage with a spot light on her.

FIN (tuning her vocal instrument): Mew, mew, mew, mew, meeew.

MOM (crabbily): Oh here we go again!

FIN is encouraged by the shout of glee from the audience. A white cape is thrown from the audience which lands on FIN's shoulders. FIN shrugs as the cape sweeps over her shoulders dramatically.

FIN sings for three minutes. The aria includes many variations on meow including Mew, Merr and the very popular Ra-ow. FIN completes her operatic aria and the crowd begins to throw roses at her feet. FIN clears her throat and begins her encore.

Cut to a pillow camera shot, as a small decorative pillow sails through the air towards our plucky heroine FIN. We see FIN smartly avoid the pillow by stepping to the side.

The dream sequence ends as we see darling FIN standing in the hallway surrounded by socks, a pillow, and a small towel on her shoulders. FIN lays down under the towel as her eyes sparkle (with enhanced computer graphics). FIN rests her darling head on the pillow for a nap.

Fade Out

Copy Cat

Have you ever noticed how sometimes your humans can grow obsessed with you, and everything you are doing? The other day I was hanging out in the bedroom (semi-napping) when Mom cruises past the door, clearly looking for something. She spotted me and then she kept right on walking, like she totally wasn't looking for me. I thought it was a fluke or she would send the Pawparrazzi in.

A few hours later I was lounging in the living room (surveying my turf) when I saw her wandering around the house, clearly looking for me again! I could tell she was getting a bit agitated as she passed by all my regular spots with no luck. She started calling me with her dead-on imitation of me (really it's freakishly dead-on) which I ignored, of course (I'm not a dog). Finally, on the way to the kitchen, she spotted me and again acted like I was not her prey.

I don't know what she's thinking - these are my moves. I use these on her all the time. I have every reason to keep an eye on my lap and reliable can opener, but what reason does she have to follow me around? I am not the one who leaves the house.

That Racket

I love to paw furiously on things like mirrors, glass fireplace screens , cabinets and doors. Oh it's such a delight to stand on your back paws (or when I really get into it, I sit down - so I can concentrate) and let those paws fly with purpose.

Initially, when I would paw at the bathroom mirror, my parents thought it was because I was trying to attack the “other” cat I saw in the reflection. Ridiculous, of course I know it’s my own reflection. I’m not pawing to attack or pet myself as they think; I’m making my cat music. Of course I recognize myself, I’m adorable. Who else would it be?

My parents have titled my cat music “That Racket.” I think it's a catchy title. They’ll say things like, “Is that you making That Racket?” or “Quit making That Racket in there, little cat!” I think they really like my song because sometimes they clap their hands loudly and try to sing along with their own lyrics like “Hey, knock off That Racket,” or “I’m coming over there if you don’t knock off That Racket, little cat.” I really like that they come up with their own lyrics, and try to clap along, although they don’t seem to be on-key or to be very good with the rhythm, but I love them for trying.

I’ll admit that I sometimes get so involved playing “That Racket” against a door that I will shut it with my pawing, effectively locking myself in a room for hours on end. I realize I should probably pay attention to the direction that the door swings, before I start pawing in earnest, but really, who thinks of things like that when the rhythm takes them?

Meg - My girl still likes to lay down tracks, anycat wanna join a band?

Hey There!

Hey Friends, it's me Finny De Floof! I wanted to give you a little update on how I'm feeling. The good news is that most days I feel pretty good. I have my bad days too but I'm happy to report that the good far outweighs the bad. I haven't been even close to as ill I was before Christmas in a long while.

I'm enjoying my retirement. I still like to get up early which means Mom gets up early too. I like to run a tight ship still. I am enjoying lots of lap time.

If you've read Mom's blog (Hart Stories by Meg S Hart) recently you already know that she has a new job she is going to be starting at the end of the month. She will be working from home and I am pretty excited about it. She's working from home one day week now and I am a big fan. I will be able to keep my eyes on her full time from the comfort of me little hammock.

She's set up the old crap craft room as her office. It gets the best patch of morning sun, and I take full advantage of it. Her work isn't nearly as exciting as visiting blogs from what I can tell, but she claims it's what she likes doing so I'm pleased.

It's a little hard to get a solid nap in with all the squealing about how darling I am on the desk but I manage.

Mom is still trying to decide what to do with the blog, but in the meantime there are still lots of favorite posts to share. I hope you're enjoying them friends. You all take care of yourselves and I'll continue to keep my eyes on you too.

Training Day Repost

Jim: Well Bob, we're back, after an extended hiatus after Cat-A-Lympics.

Bob: I was relaxing on the beach... Do you know why we're here Jim?

Jim: Seems our hostess Fin of Finland has called us out to take a look at some new moves she's working on.

Bob: Wow Jim, how exciting! Do you know what she's been working on Jim?

Jim: No Bob she's kept it tightly under wraps. Grannycats keep these things tight to the fur you know. It's the  mark of a true professional. Oh Bob, we're being asked to keep it down. Fin looks serious.

Bob: I don't understand Jim, we've seen these moves before. Beside the fountain, looking in and looking out from inside it, all classics. Can there really be something new here Jim?

Jim: Oh. Well Bob this seems new. Excellent form using the tail for balance and stability. HOLY COD Bob look at that!

Bob: She is going for a balance beam routine Jim! Look at that form! Surely she can't maintain that kind of effort for long...

Jim: Mother Fluff Bob! She appears to be going for a "Ring-Around-The-Rosie" maneuver! And look Bob there's scummy water in the bowl! One misstep and our granny could be in the pool!

Bob: She's halfway around the base Jim! She looks like she can take it ALL THE WAY! OH NO!!!

Jim: What an upset Bob. It appears she had a mid-point dismount. She looks shaken Bob. It's a good thing it's just training. Best of luck Finny, we know you will pull it off by the next games.

Napping Event

Bob: Looks like Fin is trying to medal in Competitive Napping at the Nation of Huffle Mawson, Jim!

 

Jim: Hey Bob, let's keep it down, she's napping for gold. 

Bob::whispers:: Sorry Jim. Look at this form. A side sprawl, and with a paw hide.

Jim: Look at the back paw toe digging in for napping traction! She's bringing it home! Wait! She's pulling a full belly exposure move! What a pro!

Bob: I thought you said to keep it down Jim.

Jim: Oh sorry. I got a little excited. Our Finny deserves the rest. She has been hard at work and very busy hiding from the Pawparrazzi between events.

Bob: So Jim, are we ready to sign off here at the H.C?

Jim: Yes Bob this is the last even in the series. I understand we've been picked up for guest appearances though. I'm pretty excited about it Bob!

Finny: Hey can you keep it down? I hope all my friends have enjoyed this special Olympic Edition. I have been feeling really great lately and my parents couldn't be happier. I think I may even feel up to a new post this week.

Double Events

Bob: Well Jim it's been quite a week so far, but I understand our hostess has been "going nocturnal" to enter our first event of the day.

Jim: That's right Bob, Finny has pulled out all the stops to win in Mr Tuck's Late Night Human Wake Up Event. Fin's expertise in this event is really going to pay off.

Bob: Jim, let's get right to the video!

Jim: Um, Bob, we don't have any video... seems our host nation of Fin-Land didn't shell out for the Night Vision. We weren't "allowed in the room" for the live play by play, as it might have altered the outcome. Only the cat can be the waker-upper in order to medal in this classic event.

Bob: We're told by "The Mom" that the competitor began the event at 12:30am! Now that's taking it to the Mat-tress Jim!

Jim: The Mom fought back with a classic Ignoring You Fake Out, but Fin is a champion and she began an aria of meows that no human could ignore. The Mom struck back with a "Shut it Little Cat!" yell, but again Fin struck back.

Bob: I understand she brought out the big guns, and knocked over a glass of water on the nightstand right into the pillow!

Jim: That's right Bob, and it was OVER! Our champion was rewarded with a late night snack. Speaking of snacks let's get right into our second event, Competitive Eating.

 
Bob: She goes right in for the win! Look at that determination! That Chick-Hen doesn't stand a chance! She may need to change position to get those last bites.... NO!! She does it!!

Jim: Wait Bob! There seems there's a doping scandal! One of the other teams has photo evidence of performance enhancing additives!! What an upset!!

Bob: Oh My COD! I'm shocked! But wait, Fin looks truly shocked too!

Finny: I had no idea they were adding anything to my food! Mom says it's a phosphate binder so my kidney's stay well! What a shock! I never tasted anything!

Jim: Well the judges have decided to allow this Bob, citing health reasons. So there will be no disqualifications for the grannycat!

Ice Hockey

Bob: Well Jim what's in the action line-up today in Fin-Land?

Jim: We have an Ice Hockey event with none other than our Hostess Fin. She has agreed to come out of retirement for this event, believing that hockey is a young cat event. Joining her on the ice is Cory of Cory Cat the young cat in question!

Bob: It's true Jim, Cory has youth and speed on her side, and she trains in the off-season with asparagus. While Fin has years of experience and those snowshoe paws with toe fur! It promises to be quite a match, let's get right to the action Bob!

 

Bob: Look at that steely determination on the face of Finny. She's ready to play! But here's the competitor. She looks a little timid Jim, as she looks at the cube... cuteness is only going to go so far here.

Jim: Wait a minute Bob! It looks to me like that may be domestic ice...

 Bob: Cory's coaches are inspecting the ice, and it looks like they are clearing their player to go forward... but Jim look at Fin...

Jim: Our hostess seems very displeased with this turn of events. She likes the foreign ice from the market. Oh My COD Bob, it looks like she is refusing to play! She is laying down and refusing to participate!

Fin: What kind of sham is this?! Domestic Ice! I'm not a kitten! I came out of retirement for this! I'm Outta here!

Jim: This is a complete debacle Bob! Wait, our guest competitor is still ready to play! What a scandal!

 

Cory: I just really wanted to show my skills. I'm so disappointed. I usually play hockey with vegetables or fruit from the garden, maybe Fin will come back out of retirement for Cherry Hockey?

An Upset at Cat-A-Lympics

Jim: Well Bob it's been an exciting week so far and it's only Wednesday! I wanted to mention the upset that happened here at the Host Nation of Fin-Land yesterday. Seems the "No Rules" rule of Cat-A-Lympics was breached by the judges, causing a mistaken disqualification of Finny in the Balance Beam.

Bob: I understand that our hostess has been award her medal. Let's listen in to her acceptance speech Jim.

Finny: Well a cat, especially a grannycat, should have any route she chooses to get on and off the apparatus. I totally stuck the landing, and the style points were off the charts... I had a dangling back paw for balance and a three paw landing. Plus there are no rules so anything should be allowed. I'm glad this wrong has been righted. We're cats, we rarely follow rules... that's how we stroll.

Bob: Now that's a class act! So Jim, I heard rumors that cats can add new events to the line-up at anytime, but Jim, that can't be right can it?

Jim: Yes Bob. As I've said before, there are no rules. Events are being created and posted at a breakneck pace. Cats can feel free to take the commemorative award shown on Monday's post for participation.

Bob: Wait Jim! I'm hearing from the booth that we have breaking new footage coming in from the field. 

 

What are we looking at here Jim? I think I'm confused... 

 

Jim: Bob, it seems our Hostess has a different take on the Boxing competition.That's a senior kitizen for you, they know how to work the competition to advantage. It's a tight fit too, but she has done it! Tomorrow she will be competing in an Ice Hockey match. It promises to be quite a competition! Play safe out there competitors!