America's Birthday

Yesterday was America’s Birthday and I must say that I’m not so fond of the way you celebrate America. You’re a little too rowdy for my taste.

First of all, where was the birthday cake America? We always have cake on our family's birthdays. I don’t eat the cake of course, but when my parents enjoy a slice with a glass of milk Mommy is always happy to share with me. Once she sees I’ve stuck my face in the glass and had a few licks, she lets me have the whole rest of the glass, all to myself (even if it’s not my birthday).

Well America, I guess the birth-day portion passed pleasantly enough. It was too hot for outdoor activities so my parents watched scary movies and held me close when they were frightened. I allowed the forced cuddling because I was a bit frightened too, and I was able to cover my eyes during the really scary parts. We even had a family nap in the middle of the day.

It wasn’t till the sun went down that all hell broke loose. My parents began roaming the house at dusk, looking out the windows, and waiting in anticipation for something. They were, almost, dare I say, giddy. All of a sudden there were lots of scary noises outside and unpleasant smells of sulfur and smoke in the air. I had to grab my love, my mousey, and hide in the closet for hours, and no one even came to try to lure me out.

Here is what I suggest for your celebration next year America - On my own birthday I awake whenever I like, I’m given snuggles on demand, regardless of the time of night (most days this isn’t met with much enthusiasm), I’m left to nap in silence throughout the day, when I awake from my naps I’m offered treats like tuna and perhaps even a new catnip filled toy. This is a proper birthday America! So if you can’t offer all your guests tuna and catnip toys, at least try to keep it down next year.