11.25.2008

5 AM - Screenplay

5 AM

Screenplay by Fin

Fade In - Interior Bedroom. The room is dark. We see two humans sleeping in the foreground. In the distance our heroine, FIN, is sitting in the hallway watching over her family.

FIN (politely): Merrrr! Merrrr! Excuse me but Mommy I'm hungry!

MOMMY (crabbily): Shut it little cat, it's flippin five am and I'm not getting up yet.

We see sweet, hungry FIN pacing back and forth in the hallway. A short montage runs, showing many cute poses to music (perhaps to the song "Anticipation"). A timer runs in the corner of the screen to show an inordinate amount of time has passed (perhaps as much as three minutes).

FIN (impatient now): Maa-ow! Mommy, I'm starving now! I've not eaten since last night!

MOMMY (frustrated) DADDY stirs and then quiets: Okay! I can't take it anymore, I'll feed you.

MOMMY rises from the bed as Fin dances in the hallway. MOMMY lumbers down the hall as the lively heroine FIN races ahead. MOMMY looks at each can of Feast, distaste on her face. Our heroine mewls loudly and pitifully as she dances around MOMMY's feet. She is growing weak from starvation. MOMMY cracks up a can in slow motion (cue sound effect). MOMMY clutches her hand to her face as she holds back a hairball of her own. Mommy places the TINY can of food onto a plate and plops it on the floor without ceremony.

MOMMY (still irritable): I hope you are happy now.
FIN (politely): Well, if you could pop it into the microwave for maybe ten seconds, just to take the chill off that would be excellent. Thanks for asking.
MOMMY walks away in a Drama Queen inducing huff. Our Heroine shrugs and gets down to business licking the gravy.
Fade Out

26 comments:

  1. Three minutes is a ridiculous amount of time to wait. That seems like forever.

    Huffle Mawson

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  2. The trouble with waiting too long is then I gulp my food.
    Then I erp it back up.
    If they would just feed me treats hourly I think this wouldn't happen.

    No promises tho.

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  3. The scenario looks strangely familiar. Right up to the 5am timing. I actually prefer SS to stay and watch me eat.

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  4. Banshee must have got stinky goodness every morning and evening as she is crying for food at those times. The PM thinks she will have to give her a snack then and I am happy as I get one too. Shade doesn't like it. The PM has flashbacks though of when she still lived with the Nanny. Her cat, Big Rick had diabetes and had wet food every morning. He would start at 4am slowly knocking things onto the floor in the PM's room and end with the grand finale of "That Racket" on the wall right beside the PM's head.

    I plan to spend the day sharpening my claws.

    Purrs Goldie

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  5. BRAVISSIMA!!!!!

    Wonderful work, Fin. I give it two paws up!

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  6. Cats all over the world are applauding. You have it right. Humans are too dang slow about feeding us.

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  7. I am the morning "star" at my house! I start at 5:00 AM and don't give up until momma is out of bed and into her slippers!

    Moe

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  8. Umm, that happens every morning at our house, only earlier! Followed by Act II: Time to go outside.

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  9. Love that screenplay. It's so realistic!
    Purrs, Siena

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  10. Two paws up! I think you have found a new career!

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  11. Scout & I are a team for the early morning feeding. He hops up on the dresser & starts knocking stuff to the floor and I will start to pace the bed meowing up a storm.
    Mom blew up at us two nights ago, yelling & chasing us down the hall and scared us so much we didn't beg the next morning. Guess you can push the people a bit too much at times. -=Shaggy

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  12. I bet the major movie houses will be beating down your door for this one!!

    Chase

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  13. Hi everyone, look for the sequel "6AM" tomorrow. An Acatemy Award! Well maybe, and two paws up from famous movie critic Tybalt, wow.

    Shaggy I guess you can push them too far.

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  14. Well done, Fin. I'm sure a big studio will pay you a fortune to make this into a major motion picture. I wonder who they'll cast in your role. Oh wait, you'll probably want to play yourself.

    May I make a suggestion, though? Don't just stay in the hallway hoping to get fed. Try my patented "full bladder" stand. It's guaranteed to get your human up at any hour. Once they're up, you demand food. It works every time!

    George

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  15. That is so funny!

    What do you mean your mommy doesn't heat up your food in the microwave for you????? My mom always pops mine in for 7 seconds - just enough to get the aroma going and to take off the chill.

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  16. Bwahahahaha!!! That was good!! I love happy endings!!!(well,except for the not heating part )
    Purrs Mickey

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  17. After all that, she couldn't muster the wee bit of effort it would take to pull the temp of your SG up to a more palatable level? She needs a good kick in the tookus, huh?

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  18. That was riveting, Fin! What I especially liked about it was the happy ending! )

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  19. heheh that was a neat snippit!!
    Fin we are SO happy that your Momma "held her furball back" it would not be very nice mixed with your feasts! hahah
    We had-ed a giggle from that :)

    V-V

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  20. For a second there, we didn't know how this one was gonna end...would the lady get the can open...would Fin pass out from hunger...but it ended happily!!! Yay!

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  21. Hm, you know there is always the dramatic 5 AM litter scratching. Be sure and throw it around for maximum noise and coverage.

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  22. We don't know what happened to the comment we made on this post yesterday :( - it must have been eaten up by blogger or something. We thought your screenplay very funny, especially the bit about your Mommy and her furball

    Wuudles

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  23. Oh, that was too funny. We have been catching up on the post since our last visit. Since Mommy refuses to get up to give us breakfast at a decent hour she leaves plenty of dry food out for us to nibble on. That way we can get up when we want to eat and then go back to bed with her and everyone is happy.

    Scylla bites Mommy on the ear when we decide she has to get up to lets us out for the potty. ~S,S & C

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