5.12.2012

Open

It has been a week friends. Losing my kitty has been so hard, and I know many of you have had the same experiences with ones you've loved. I knew she was going to leave us for awhile. I think it did help me in some ways to prepare myself for her loss. I had prepared my mind and my heart as much as I could. I see now, how depressed I was over the last few months, knowing the loss was coming.

I expected to be sad, but then there are all the moments I didn't plan for. The first time my husband left the house and there was no singing. The first time I came home without a floofy belly to greet me. Realizing I could leave a glass of water by my bedside without fear of cat saliva. Brushing my teeth and being able to spit without worrying about hitting a cat head. Closing a door in my house, any door other than the hall closet where the Evil Dyson lives, without an angry serenade.

As sad as this week has been it has also been filled with very touching moments. Reading all the comments from all over the world has touched our hearts. Animal people are great people.

When I think about writing, I ask for the inspiration to write things that make others feel something, or think about something in a new way. Often it is through laughter, but what ever the tone in the end I want my words to mean something to my reader. As we read all those beautiful words sent by others, I realized I have touched people with my words. Sure they were spoken as my beloved cat, but they spoke to our  humanity.

I remember a literary agent read our book and her critique was that the book was just about my cat. She asked what was special about my cat - did she do anything special?

"Like cure cancer? No, she's just a housecat... She doesn't get out too much." I said, knowing that I would probably need to self-publish.

I didn't have the right answer then, but I do now... Of course she was special, but she was also no more special than the kitties in the lives of my readers. If you love them, all cats are special. All cats are perfectly imperfect when you love them.

I have had a few people ask me if I will get another pet - knowing how sad these moments are - and the answer is yes, of course. I would never trade all the joy and love that came before to avoid this pain. Pain is fleeting and it too has its lessons to teach me. My heart is still broken, but it's also open.

32 comments:

ArtemisiaFSS said...

I know after Charybdis died Bo didn't want to get another cat. I can't imagine my life without animals in it and was horrified at the idea of winding up without any pets one day. We of course adopted Arty and she was suppose to be strictly my cat. He loves her to bits now, she wiggled into his heart when he wasn't looking, and he is happier for it. ~Alasandra

Brian said...

Yes, your heart should be open and let Fin's loving memory guide you, she won't steer you wrong. As you said, we all have been there. It isn't easy, but with time the heart does smile again, in it's own time. Hugs from all of us.

Simba said...

Simba's Mommy here: Meg, this is so beautifully written, I have tears streaming down my face. It is so good to know that we will still be able to read what you write, written by you, even though Finny has gone on. I am so glad you will get another pet when the time is right. They clearly are blessed by having you for their Mom.

Cat-from-Sydney said...

Aunty Meg,
My Mama is still grieving for Tom who crossed the bridge unexpectedly less than two months ago. Sometimes I could see her crying when looking at Tom's pictures. I know she'll never be the same again as Tom was her first love.... There are six of us still around and each one of us tried our best to cheer her up...well...except for Brad who fell sick not long after Tom's passing. But you know...life goes on. The memory will linger but the grief, we hope, will be gone. We will remember Fin as the sweet floofy feline, a very special one.... Just as we will remember our sweet gentle brofur Tom... Hmm....maybe they have bumped into one another up there, eh? purrr...meow!

Sparkle said...

Once as a teenager, when her cat was hit and killed by a car, my human went out and got another kitten the very same day. Not because she is heartless (although sometimes I wonder), but because she can't bear to be without kitty energy. And it was fine because Russell (the cat who came after) was a great kitty and an invaluable part of the family. I am sure that when the time is right, Fin will direct you where to go, and who to go to.

Anonymous said...

From a bystander:

Isn't it funny that a feline of 10? lbs., that in reality, doesn't need our help to live in this world, comes into our lives and we,(the more intelligent species), caters (like the good staff that we become to this animal), to this animal needs. And what do we get in return? We get to clean the litter box, clean up the hairballs, be presented with all kinds of dead creatures it catches, get awakened at anytime of the morning (365 days a year)etc, spend all kinds of money on them and we do this willingly, because we were chosen by this animal to be a part of its staff.
But when a cat head bumps you, supervises your computer time and types a few words of their own, lays on the keyboard, wanting to be petted, talks to you, and makes you laugh your ass off from their antics and finally climbs into your lap, goes around in circles getting your lap just like it wants it and purrs and falls asleep, then all's right with world.

Random Felines said...

special?? of course!!! for the joy of sharing our lives with creatures that often give us the look that says "if I could figure out how to order food online, I would kick you out". And yet we get woken up with kisses.... they may not change the world, but they change OUR world. Fin is irreplaceable, but she would never want you to NOT save another life and share your home with another cat. :)

Fuzzy Tales said...

I think I was lucky in that when Chumley died, I still had Annie, and of course when Annie passed, I still had the boys. I'm glad your heart is open to another fur companion, Meg. I don't know if mine is, but I'm also not faced with an "empty" house at this time, knock on wood. (And I hope not for a long time to come.)

We all know things come to us when it's the right time. I'm sure Fin will have a "paw" in bringing you another cat or kitten to love.

Sending universal Light and hugs, and purrs from the boys.

Sweet Purrfections said...

Mom Paula: I remember those "first" feelings after Sweet Praline left. The hardest part was coming home to the empty house, but I could always feel her presence when I needed it. I waited one month before deciding to get another furchild and it was 4 months before I brought Truffle home. At first I felt guilty for "replacing" Praline, but I now know Sweet Praline sent Truffle and Brulee to me to keep me company. I know she is watching down on all of us, just as Fin is watching over you.

jgr said...

A lovely post. Yes, we are touched by your writings, even more b/c you wrote from Fin's perspective. I'm glad your heart is open even in it's broken state. Meanwhile, Mocha sends many healing purrs to your house.

Julia Williams said...

Beautiful post and I thank you for sharing. I'm not sure one could ever truly prepare for the loss of a beloved pet. Mine are all healthy, but sometimes I catch myself thinking about how I will feel when the inevitable happens, and it's frightening. But we love them, and will always love them no matter what. I'm glad to see you say "of course" you will get another cat. Sometimes with the pain of losing them, people close themselves off to that love. And that's a shame, really, because what they add is so much greater than the pain of losing them.

~*Connie*~ said...

I can't tell you how fast your words brought me back in time. When Em passed, there were a slew of things that I no longer "had" to do because I "had" to do them for her. it was quite a bitter sweet pleasure to be free of those specific things..

FURKIDSMOM said...

Even with 3 other cats and 2 dogs, losing Sniffie put a big hole in my heart and life. I still look for her on my pillow at night or to play with my hair while I watch TV. Fin will send the right kitty to you when she knows you're ready.


The Florida Furkids and Lexi

Katie Isabella said...

Of course, this dear blog that you wrote struck my heart deeply as it has only been since mid December that my baby, the Admiral flew away. That coming home to silence, emptiness..no other sweet little heart beating with mine..a spit shined home with faultless mirrirs and trackless carpet..gleaming wooden floors..it is all ashes in the mouth. Your baby is still here I would say to myself..her little cask of ashes.

After all of these 4 1/2 months, it still b=rings me to tears I miss her so but I have my Katie Isabella and I love her dearly.

Time will heal, Meg and of course you will have another furchild. xoxox

meowmeowmans said...

So poignant, Meg. We are glad your heart is still open, and ready to face whatever comes. Surely your Angel Fin will guide you in the days, months and years to come. Hugs.

♥I am Holly♥ said...

I have not been on the blogs for months and I am so very heartbroken and sorry to hear about precious Fin leaving for the Rainbow Bridge. I still have your book on my coffee table for visitors to see. Your tribute brought lots of tears to my eyes and believe me, it took me back to the time when I lost my kitty Phoenix who was so special and for some reason reminded me of Fin. It took me many months and I do mean many to get through the loss of her and to this day, I still have pictures of her in the house that I touch and kiss and tell her good night and that I love her. She passed on in 1997. Meg, I am truly so sorry and I know how hard it is. you are in my thoughts and prayers and I would love to think that Phoenix and Fin are sitting together and talking while looking down at us. Lots of love and hugs to you, Debbie

Cory said...

Of course Fin was special...she was one of our closest furriends in the blogosphere. We have had many cats over the years. Each of them unique and very special in their own way. We miss all who came before. Our first rescue, Roger Ramjet...we are convinced he has sent us the vast majority of our family. Fin will send you a furry baby to love.

In the meantime...Cory wants to know if she can box up Figgy and send him to you. He will occupy your sink and make it impossible for you to brush your teeth.

Carolyn said...

Poignant post, Meg. It is our humanity that allows for our hearts to be touched and sometimes even broken! Fin added greatly to your life and ours. I hope your new kitty will find its way to you and into your heart very soon xx

Anonymous said...

i love this post; it's one of your best.

{hugs}

chook

Helen said...

I'm so sorry to hear of Fin's passing, Meg. She is now at the Rainbow Bridge, playing hard with her friends (and bossing everyone around!) Purrs and love from Helen, Kitten and Mischa, 3 of your Kindle readers.

Coupon Queen said...

Did Fin do anything special? Of course she did!!! She opened our eyes to the language of cats, she had aunties from all over the world who love her and would look forward to reading her thoughts every day. (Me included) She caused a vast outbreak of smiles on bad days, and chuckles in the face of bad times. (I know that for a fact!) She will be very missed and always loved by so many of us, but I know that she will be watching as you find the perfect friend to open your hearts to next. It's funny, but I have noticed over the years how much our cats and dogs remind us of the ones that have come before them, like we were guided to the perfect match. I am sending you all my love to get through this tough time Meg and thank you for checking in on me, there is nothing new yet but I will be blogging next week with an update. :)

Marg said...

Oh Meg, that was such a well written post about your feelings and I know those feelings so well. The empty house, the times that Fin would do her thing, it is all so hard. But time will heal some of that. It did bring tears to my eyes. That love you had for Fin was so special and Fin was so special. You will never replace Fin, just add to the memories of her with another kitty. You will know when it is time and the new kitty will bring all new memories to you. And best of all, maybe another book. LOL. I was going to write you an email to see how you were doing, but it sounds like you are dealing pretty darn good. I am so thrilled to read this. Take good care of yourself.

Cat Chat With Caren And Cody said...

Oh Meg I so wish I were as articulate as you and so many others who have left comments...this post was just beautiful.

You are so right about all of the kitties being special, I wish you could show all of the comments that were left for you to that fool that asked you if "Fin did anything SPECIAL"...bet she/he would kick themselves now.

I remember when my beloved Bobo passed...I adopted Cody approx 26 days later. I couldn't live without a kitty in my life. When I held Cody when he was just a kitten, I had the feeling that Bobo had sent him to me. Cody crawled up my chest (which he still does)...when I felt guilty about adopting so soon everyone said that Bobo would have wanted me to give love to another cat the way I did with him.

I agree that Fin will lead you to the right cat...and we can't wait to meet that lucky one!

Oskar said...

A new pet will help to fill your heart, I bet.

Nubbin wiggles,
Oskar

Anonymous said...

You've been in our thoughts... When we lost our Abigail we saw a kitty creeping around out of the corner of our eye. Just fleeting sightings. But we felt she was telling us about some cat who needed a home. So with our minds open, we soon adopted Moushe, now 13. Ahe has never replaced Abby but is a love in her own right. Finny would want this for you when you're ready.

Hugs and purrs,

Lizzie & 3 kitties

Anonymous said...

I'm a 7 month lurker and commented earlier when you first posted about Fin's passage to the bridge. I wish I had not waited to comment until she was gone. I stumbled onto your blog after a stray cat decided to adopt us, and I'm thankful for it.

I'm a lawyer in a mid-size firm and life here is stressful and chaotic. I checked some of Finny's blog posts during a business lunch (tacky, but it was a long wait for a table and I'm a partner so I figured it's okay). When I couldn't stop laughing, everyone wanted to know what was so funny. I shared Fin's Sandy Paws post (she dumped out her litter box to make Santa a Sandy Paws lane). After that, most of my peers checked out this blog at one time or another. Friday quickly became known as "Fin Friday" around here.

So, Fin might not have cured cancer but she made me a better cat Momma and gave me, and many others, something to look forward to each week. Thank you for sharing her with us and for taking the time to make this wonderful blog.

Stacy Hurt said...

Every. Single. Time. you lose a beloved it is soul crushing. I had to sleep with a wad of laundry on the edge of the bed where my Beloved GinGin slept at night with me for nearly a year.

All our 24 paws are bent in silent miaow prayers for Ms. Fin. and You.
xoxo

Ms. Stella O'Houligan

Meg said...

Dear 7 month lurker,

I wish I had a way to reach you, but I hope you look back here. Your stories have delighted me in a week where there was little delight. Thank you so much for your comments.

Jacqueline said...

I know your deep sorrow, Meg and my thoughts are with you at this terrible time...Finny was a special sweetheart and I always looked forward to reading her adventures and seeing her gorgeous floofy photos!...Hang in there=from my own experience, the only cure for your broken heart is time and new floofy babies=mine really helped me heal...Sending you love and hugs...J

TK and Squashies said...

TK Mom: Beautiful post! I, too, have felt the loss of a imperfect companion. No one, who has not been loved by a pet, can ever understand the pain of it.

Finny was very special, and not just to you. Many of us have read your/her words and been inspired, laughed and loved just a wee-bit more for the experience.

She inspired you, you inspired us. She will be missed by many.

One thing I've learned- when in pain, make slow moves. When the time is right, it will just happen as if guided from afar. And I bet, if you listen ever-so-carefully, you will hear Finny's meow of approval.

Jan's Funny Farm said...

All the firsts are so hard when a furry leaves!

We're way behind but we finally posted the CB graphic in Fin's memory today. Purrs and pawhugs.

caspersmom said...

I know what you mean about all the special comments help when you are heart sick over the lose of a beloved furry friend. I also got a little preparation from the loss of Casper May 21st, I had the feeling of the last three months that he was reaching the last of his days. Sure doens't help though. I am so sorry of the loss of your beloved Fin. I ran across you from trying to Thank you to everyone that paid him a comment. God Bless