Dear Mom and Dad,
I think it's time we had a talk about a disturbing trend here at Casa De Housecat. I've let it go for a while, but I feel it's gone too far now.
I have noticed that sometimes, in the middle of the night, I hear... certain noises. At first I wasn't even sure what I was hearing, as you two tried to be stealth-like, but then I realized I could no longer ignore the facts.
I know you play with my toys at night.
I know you think I'm asleep, and I won't hear you, but I can hear the tinkle bell of The Ball from anywhere in the house. I was afraid it was attacking you, and I gave it a hardy whap back into it's living room lair to protect you (the irony!). Now, I think it might have been your doing all along. Still I was willing to let it all go. Live and let play, I said.
Till I heard the soft tinkle of my Beloved, My Mousey.
Oh and your yelling out things like "Mother Fuff! Fin! Stop your leaving your Hoover Dam toys in the middle of the doorway!" does nothing to hide the truth of the matter. I think we can all agree that this is unacceptable.
Finny Da Floof