Happy Halloween!

Mom did these a few years ago and they still make her laugh. 

Punk Rock Princess.

Queen of the Fairies

Dad loves Halloween, so he gets super nerdy excited at this time of year. He carves up his special cyclops pumpkin and decorates the doorway, not as much as we see at some folks home in the hood. Mom prepares the traditional meal of worms in blood sauce (spaghetti) and they lay in wait.

Dad wears his traditional costume of middle-aged guy who's super excited to give away candy. Mom likes to wear her traditional costume of middle-lady sitting in her nightie with messy hair in the dark. I stand in the distance and allow the children to admire me. I'm not a big fan of the doorbell so Dad tries to open the door before they get to the bell. It tends to scare them, but isn't that part of the fun?

Happy Halloween to all of you!

Floofy Friday

Psst, Friday? Are you out here again?

Kinda smells like Thursday... Nope, Friday! Woot!

Thank Cod It's Friday! My Dad is gonna be busy carving up pumpkins and Mom is looking forward to watching scary movies. I like it when she watches scary movies cause she likes to snuggle me close. I do have to be careful of things that make her jump though, cause she's a tosser.

True story (according to Mom) when she was a young human she went to see a movie, and because she likes to feel "one" with the movie, she sat in one of the front rows with her big sack of popcorn. She had just settled in when the trailer for the movie "The Fog" came on, suddenly a hand jumped out of the fog and she tossed her hands up to her face... unfortunately she still had the popcorn sack in her hands. So there she sat in a shower of popcorn which landed all over her.

There was a couple of seconds of dead silence in the packed theater before the whole place started to laugh. She was picking kernels out of her hair throughout the film to the snickers of the audience. At the end, as they began to exit the theater, the man sitting behind her sat forward and patted her on the shoulder as he whispered "You were the best part of the movie!" and they both laughed together.

Mom has always dreamed of being part of the movies, and since she can't be tossing popcorn in every theater, she's decided to write a screenplay. Someone has to write them right? I approve of this blatant disregard of writing my next book because it's got tigers in it.


::Shameless Plug Alert:: For any of my new readers I do have a book out now, also called Housecat Confidential, and it's available in pretty much all the e-book formats and in paperback on Amazon. ::End of the Plug::

Hope you are all having a great weekend. What do you have planned friends?

Herding

My Granny Sass-O-Meter has been cranked up lately friends. I am trying to get my parents back in line. I run a pretty tight ship here and a tight ship needs regular tightening to keep it running right.

To keep my parents moving in the right direction I find it necessary to herd them occasionally. Human herding can be difficult, the trick is not to allow the obvious size difference deter you. Sure they're bigger but they can be corralled. I find a couple of methods useful.

To prevent any movement from the desired location (say the area where your dish is located) the "Circle the Wagons" method is a sure fire hit. You'll just need to snake around the legs, their desire not to step on you will do the rest of the work for you.

To get them moving (say towards your dish) I like the "Giddy Up" or the my own "Hi-Ho Silver" method. The Giddy Up involves an unexpected leap forward and then tearing forward. The Hi-Ho Silver is advanced and involves rearing up on your back paws and then hopping a couple of times before tearing forward. Both methods seem to intrigue the humans and get them to follow you.

Well that's gonna end the lesson for tonight kitties, Mom claims she is busy and working on other projects. Sigh. I still have lots of work to do here too apparently. Please give my methods a go and let me know what methods you use. It's good to shake things up.

Obsessed

I don't know if this ever happens to you friends, but sometimes my parents become obsessed with me. They are frequently obsessed with my whereabouts, as they search around the house. I'm a housecat, where am I going to go? I'm somewhere in the house. Let it go.

They can also grow obsessed with my intake and my ::whispers:: output. Sure I'd been having some tummy issues off and on, but I'm fine. I have a spring in my step and my tail is high and floofy. You'd have thought I expelled gold as excited as they've been to discuss the ::whispers:: output. Honestly folks get yourselves a hobby.

Mom claims I have my own obsession. I suppose I do. I love the bathroom sink and the water that drips from it. Gosh it's fascinating. Even when I'm not thirsty I just love to watch it. I also tend to demand snuggles from Mom while I determine if I'm thirsty. The other day she was phoning it in with a one-handed pet, and I was not going to have it. I reached out with my paw, grabbed her other hand (that was doing nothing) and brought over to my chin.

Luckily she got the idea and started up the two-handed pets I enjoy. I like it when she gives rough pets down the sides and pats at my tail base. I like it best when she calls out encouragements like "get in there" and "let's mix it up!" as she administers the pets. It gets me fired up and stokes my thirst so I'm ready to dive into the stream. So tasty from the tap!

What about you friends to you or your family have any obsessions?

Floofy Friday

I brought the Floof, now where's the Friday? 

I'm going to find Friday... I don't know where it hides the rest of the week, 

but it's time to hunt it down don't you think?

Maybe it's over here...

Friday? Are you hiding in here... sorta smells like you.

 

Yeah, definitely smells like Friday in here.

Helloooooo? I know you're in here. 

Don't be shy, everyone is gonna be thrilled to see you!

Don't worry friends, I'm on the case. Once I find Friday, I'll start hunting down that elusive Saturday. Luckily Sunday always seems to be right where you left it. Purrs and love to you on this fine pre-weekend friends.

Routine

It's no secret that I love routine. I also don't need to tell you that nothing is more irritating then when my parents act as if they don't know the routine and flagrantly disregard it. It doesn't take too many repetitions for me to consider something a routine either. 

Mom is trying to break me of one of my new routines. If her lap is clear she pat-pats her lap and calls to me to get me to come for snuggle-time, naturally I ignore her - but as soon as I see she that has her laptop on her lap, I feel it's critical to nip it in the bud.

I notice she gets too deep in thought when she is looking at the screen, brows are furrowed and lips are pursed. I don't want Mom's face to get stuck like that and I doubt she would either. So I dutifully climb onto her chair and meow till she puts the lid down, and then sit on the lid - just out of reach of those knot-seeking fingers.

I used to climb onto the lap and try to get comfortable around the laptop, real politely. Now I just say no, you're done when I think the time is right. Just as it should be. I think it's best cause she used to get all worked up when my paws would mess up her keyboard or delete text, etc. 

Mom spoke to Dad about maybe using her crap craft room as a writing spot, and something about a door she could shut. Why ever would she want that, no matter, I have meow-power that bust through any door.

Scofflaw

What Mom? Not allowed on the coffee table? 

No, I am not familiar with that rule.

So silly, I mean why clean it off if not to have a cat on it? I think you can see that I am very cute up here. My friends can see the tummy, the toes and the tail (in motion) so it really can't be against any rules. Besides you know that I am going to have to ignore any rule on sheer principle alone. 

I'm going to remain up here for a good long time just to prove my point, unless you crack open a can of my wet food. I mean a point can be made very quickly when gravy is waiting.

Floofy Friday

Well friends it was almost a Floofless Friday. It all started innocently enough, as most things do, at the bathroom sink. I was waiting for Mom to turn on my faucet so I could dive in for a sip. Mom had left her future shower towel on the counter and, since it was in my spot, I nestled on it.

When Mom emerged from her shower, she was bothered about me being on her towel - something about cat hair and wet flesh - who listens, not me. I really stretched out as she dried herself off with another towel and got dressed. Maybe it was the irritation that made her pick up the Zoom Groom and begin to aggressively comb at my side floof.

She caught the edge of my floof with the Zoomy and pulled it across the towel. She noticed that it stretched out my furs and made it easy to see the loose strands. I noticed the aggressive noise it made. We were both excited at the process. One side of my body was defloofed, but I drew the line when she tried to get to the other side.I was over-stimulated and a little warning bitey was issued.

I must say I did really enjoy it and the sleek furs were very nice. I might even pretend to not notice the other side being groomed next time.

I know you need your fix before the weekend can begin so behold - Me, pre-de-floofing.

 

Now Imagine half of that side floof gone, don't worry there's still plenty left. Enjoy your weekend friends!

What? on Wednesday

Last night I decided to take my beloved, Mousey, out for a stroll around the house. During our late night together time I enjoy singing my song of love to my precious.

Mom and Dad call my song a strangled cry. I don't care what they say because Mousey loves my song. I can't help that his faux-fur makes him a little plump, and harder to enunciate when he's in my mouth.

Anyway last night I was racing through the hall with Mousey, instead of my leisurely stroll, and my usual song seemed a little slow. I decided to speed up my tune, kinda a Mousey remix. DJ turn it up, up, up!

Apparently it made my standard song sound a little freaky and frantic to Mom and she sat straight up in bed. She called out to me, sounding frantic herself, to see if I was okay. I guess she must have heard Mousey's jingle bell and realized it was just me and my sweet mouse.

You know what she did next? She yelled at me to knock it off!

Everyone's a critic.

My Good Times - Ruined

So there I was on a Sunday morning, enjoying a nice nap in my favorite hiding hang out spot, the bedroom closet, when all heck broke loose. The closet is typically littered with laundry baskets for a cat to tuck behind and get a good nap in. It's dark too, so the Pawparazzi is rarely able to get in a shot.

Mom strolled into the closet with a real bee in her bonnet. She sorta tripped on a basket and moved it, then she moved the one I was behind. She started muttering something about "consolidation" and "Fall cleaning" and I ignored her, cause she mutters stuff all the time. She'll often move a basket or two and then quickly peter out and put things pretty much back where they were. I really had no strong indication that this was any different, and I was ready to knuckle down and get in my hundred and forty winks.

I don't know what came over Mom this time, but she was like a woman possessed. She started flinging old clothes and shoes out of the closet and into piles. When I asked her the meaning of the piles she replied that one of the larger piles was a "donate" pile. Donate?!

Does she not know that those old towels and blankets are one of my favorite beds? Soon Dad was joining in and I could only watch in shock and awe. I know it's early for Halloween, but honestly it was like a horror show.

Where will I hide hang out now? Do you have any ideas friends?

Floofy Friday

 Hello Friday. I've missed you.

Yesterday I thought I'd hit the jackpot. Mom was late coming home. Dad was getting irritated by my requests for my meal, something about whining, and I finally convinced him to outlay the goods.

Mom tends to be stingy with my food (and most other things too actually). Dad dumped out a huge portion of food in my dish. I could hardly believe it. I felt like a lioness who had taken down a water buffalo on the Serengeti. I tucked into that food like - Mom was gonna take it away, but of course she wasn't home, yet. 

Mom arrived awhile later, about the time the tummy ache kicked in. Three yaks and two hairballs later, I felt a lot better. I'm still feeling a little full and out of sorts today. I hope to sleep it off today so I'm ready for the weekend. 

How about you friends, what do you have planned?

Closet Inspection

Mom: Fin? Finny? Where are you?

Fin: Psst, Mom. I'm in here.

Mom (Opening the closet door): In here? I don't see you?

Fin: Over here, behind the laundry basket, and Dad's pants.

Mom: What are you hiding from?

Fin: Hiding? I'm not hiding.

Mom: Well you're late for breakfast, it's almost 5:30am. Why don't you come out?

Fin (Whispering): Can you bring my breakfast in here?

Mom: No! Hey your not scared of the rain and thunder are you?

Fin: No! I'm just catching up on my closet inspection duties. Is the storm over yet?

Mom: Yep.

Fin (Running past Mom to kitchen): Let's go Mom! The day is practically over!

Abandoned

So friends, there I was on Saturday morning doing my warm-up exercises and I was dreaming of my extended porch time. I was getting ready to wake Mom up, when she woke up on her own. I can't say this never happens, but luckily I am there to shoulder the burden.

She sprang from her bed like a gazelle (no, that never happens - maybe gazelle is over selling). Next thing you know Mom was rousting Dad from bed too. The sun wasn't even up yet. What's going on for the love of Cod, I wondered.

Well I figured it out when she laid out a huge dish of food and filled my kibble dish to the brim. This is not a good sign. It is a sign of certain abandonment. In some cruel twist of fate I did not notice the second frozen plate of food under the paper towel. Who would do such a thing? Something about thinking I wouldn't get to the frozen plate till later in the day, but who looks under a paper towel for their food?

Luckily I managed to survive the night. Barely.