Dear Mr Global Warming,
Let me begin by saying my initial draft of this letter was a bit terse, but then I tried to put myself in your shoes (do you wear shoes? I digress). I realized you're like the new kid in school, and that can be difficult to navigate.
Mother Earth and Mr Sun have been around forever and you're new on the scene. Let me give you a few tips Warm, may I call you Warm?
First of all no one likes a show off, and you're clearly show boating. You're like the nerdy kid in the front row with all the answers. Take it from me, no appreciates a show boater.
Second you need to chill. If you wanna hang with the cool kids, you need to be cool, and so far you haven't really shown that to be your strong suit.
Maybe you have a little thing for Mother Earth, but you're gonna need to dial it back. A lady doesn't appreciate you coming on all hot and heavy. Take a chill pill, and give it time buddy. I'm sure she'll come around in time.
Your new pal,
Finny De Floof