Lap Rules

I thought this might be a good time to lay down some rules on lap etiquette that I'd like obeyed.

  1. When I mewl at your feet, there's no need for you to ask "What do you want?" I want your lap of course. No I'm not going to jump right up there, I have things to take into consideration first. I only want to be scooped and placed on the lap if it's Daddy.
  2. Entering the lap is not as easy as you seem to think Mommy, there are shifty parts and lumpy parts and I often have to negotiate space with your laptop. If I claw some tender parts in the process, well I'm sorry, no need to scream about it, you big drama queen.
  3. When something startles me I will leap off, possibly taking small bits of your flesh with me, again I'm sorry.
  4. Don't squeeze the kitty, even though you enjoy the small noises I make when you do.
  5. I have to be in the mood for you to hold my front paws (never the back paws), don't assume I'm in that mood when you are.
  6. The scratches and pets are great, but once I decide those are over, and I'm moving on to the business portion, I no longer want the distraction. If you persist I'll have to nibble you.
  7. The business portion can include napping or bathing, and yes you do make a nice bath tub (all those soft angles that I can use to prop myself up on make bathing quite enjoyable).
  8. When you're "In the mood for a cat" don't assume I'm "In the mood" to be said cat. All your pleading will not make your lap more appealing. In fact I'm a cat - if I came when I was called - I'd be a dog. So if I was on the fence about the snuggle, your begging has ruined it.

Thank you for your cooperation.


  1. hahahah it is like you made those rules for mez too!!!
    Thank you so much for making it clear to the Momma! ;)


  2. Great post, my SIF, that's exactly what I would say but too inarticulate to put it into words. Especially the one about squeezing the kitty. SS is so bad in this regard.

    Are you paying attention to the post, SS?

  3. It is very important to have clear guidelines so there will be no misunderstandings.

  4. Hahaha! Oh Fin you are so strict, I love it. I will show my humans these extensive rules. I agree with every single one of them.

  5. Great post. I need to have that framed for my mommy. Those rules rule!

  6. Fin, you make some very excellent points! You are smart.

  7. Fin, those are definitely good lap rules to live by...

  8. well said *applause*applause*.
    our thunks exactly.

    -wlk cats

  9. Hey, SIF, there is a new NFC kitten in the CB. Please visit Siena at http://catwithagarden.blogspot.com.

    She needs us older and wiser NFCs to give advice on how to manage her humans.

  10. ...testing, testing...

    We are getting there!

    teehee ;)


  11. Excellent lap rules, Fin! I hope your beans take them to heart!

  12. Fin, you crack me up! Those are outstanding lap rules!

  13. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! I might have to borrow your rules ;)
    Purrs Mickey

  14. Thanks for sharing the rules with the beans. Sometimes I think they just don't understand.

  15. Hi everyone! I'm so glad I could help. Sometimes you have to spell things out in simple terms to you human family - like you would to a small impatient kitten.

  16. amen, sister! couldn't agree with you more!

    meerkat (and padre and panda bear)

  17. I couldn't haf sed it better myself! You is rite - 100 percenticals. Can I print this fur my beans?