I thought this might be a good time to lay down some rules on lap etiquette that I'd like obeyed.
- When I mewl at your feet, there's no need for you to ask "What do you want?" I want your lap of course. No I'm not going to jump right up there, I have things to take into consideration first. I only want to be scooped and placed on the lap if it's Daddy.
- Entering the lap is not as easy as you seem to think Mommy, there are shifty parts and lumpy parts and I often have to negotiate space with your laptop. If I claw some tender parts in the process, well I'm sorry, no need to scream about it, you big drama queen.
- When something startles me I will leap off, possibly taking small bits of your flesh with me, again I'm sorry.
- Don't squeeze the kitty, even though you enjoy the small noises I make when you do.
- I have to be in the mood for you to hold my front paws (never the back paws), don't assume I'm in that mood when you are.
- The scratches and pets are great, but once I decide those are over, and I'm moving on to the business portion, I no longer want the distraction. If you persist I'll have to nibble you.
- The business portion can include napping or bathing, and yes you do make a nice bath tub (all those soft angles that I can use to prop myself up on make bathing quite enjoyable).
- When you're "In the mood for a cat" don't assume I'm "In the mood" to be said cat. All your pleading will not make your lap more appealing. In fact I'm a cat - if I came when I was called - I'd be a dog. So if I was on the fence about the snuggle, your begging has ruined it.
Thank you for your cooperation.